| (no subject) |
[Nov. 21st, 2009|02:58 am] |
| [ | Tags | | | that's what you get. | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  stressed | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Alice In Chains- Check My Brain | ] |
To sum up everything for this week, I guess the only simple way to say it is that, everything happens for a reason, and as much as you want to reconcile and make things work the way you want it, somehow along the road, you just cant seem to find the perfect sign to make the right turn. I guess that's why we've got red and green lights. So stop and go.
That's how you'll end up in my life. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 19th, 2009|11:17 pm] |
I used to tell myself I was ready for the future, but i guess after a series of cascade (BIOBIOBIOBIO) events that had happen, it really set me thinking what i really want to do and be and see for myself in the future. Its strange though. and when Hannah brought up that point about marriage, it kind of freak me out because in 10 years time, my friends are going to have babies. How bout me? will i be happy living a single life? will i be travelling the world like i had always wished for? will i still see my grandparents? The future is one hell of a damn scary annoying existing revolutionary road, (come one leonardo! ). I dont know, really. Whatever i had always plan for in my life, would it actually come true or do unwilling choices be made? It totally freaks me out. I've been talking to my dad alot about life and everything that has happen in my life everyday, Im glad that he is there for me even if the things that I said are repetitive, like seeing your boy crush hanging out with CINA girl (RIGHT MARDD?) and having to do council work. Dad doesnt support council at all. he thinks its a waste of time and ridiculous. I know dad. He just wants me to study. and to tell you the truth, I have been spending every free moment studying. like just now, during the ride to Marina Bay with Si en, i actually read my Bio notes, and even when i made my way to City hall, I continued reading. (slaps shoulder real hard). Keep going alyah, and insyaAllah, MBBS will be calling for you at NUS in two years time. Amin.
RETAIL THERAPY.
After the dry run for orientation at marina bay, I made my way with lovely and beautiful steps to RAFFLES CITY! The home with the young, rich and step-got-money people like me. Clad with school skirt, council shirt, bag and 40bucks in my wallet, I made my way to my favourite shop: DOROTHY PERKINS AND TOPSHOP. they are interlinking and OMG, i found this really cute wooly boots, just right for my trip to America. and it only cos 43bucks! Shalll wait for my mum to come home and i'll drag her along :). And after that, I went straight for acessories at Rivers Island and then to Coach, (SALESALE). I LOVE IT THERE. Though there was a bustling crowd of businesswomen and men, I think I enjoyed myself, really. by the way, i went alone. like i always do. weirdo. So i headed to Tommy's for awhile and even to Marks and Spencer. they are having christmas cookies sales people! 100th anniversary. and JUST when i wanted to enter Robinsons, guess what, it was freaking closed just for members only. PFFT. But whatever, I managed to hang around that place for an hour and took the train just before 8pm.
School was good by the way. Mard and Nadia kept me company while studying at the library just now. Mard, we need to strategise and plan our way to sit in all the same lecture theatre with mymyclapclap. set set mimi? HAHA. Oh well, when you start crushing, you'll never go back.
So i guess here's the end for me. Have to head back up home now.
till then,
XOXO.
A fool i was to stick around and settle for summer. I braced the winter for a chance and as the sun washed the golden ice away, I realize I had never meant to stay. So here's what im going to say. No more lies.no more denials. Its time i pick myself up to be a more independent woman. There's no time left, since the future is just a mere few hours away.
I wanted to say something when i met you this morning, but i realize, we wouldnt be in the same class next year.
HAAAANNNNNNAAAAAH. :( |
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| BEN 10. |
[Nov. 16th, 2009|11:04 pm] |
"LTC WAS LIKE THIS REALLY REALLY BIG BUBBLES IN THE SKY. OMG."
YEAY.YEAY.YEAY. Let me tell you something, LTC is over and wow, its been an amazing experience. Got a black face, scars on the legs, blueblacks, sunburn and so much more. sore, sore, muscle sore. CRAMPSSS!!! But despite all that, I think I've learn a great deal about being a leader and how important it is to be brave and stand up for who you are. Shall share more later. *heartshearts.
oh oh! Have you felt like your heart just leap and like leap and like leap really really high, and you just go weeeeeeee. WOW. Today i totally just felt that. clickclickclick. NONSTOP HITS. Its been a pleasant ride. shall stop once the lights are turned off.
IBUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU. MISS YOU.
TWO MORE WEEEKS TO:
vegas.
los angeles.
heaven.
Ironically, vegas is sin city.
OMG, this is seriously one of the stupidest post i've ever written before. Well, if you've got talent, SHOW IT!
Till then,
BEN 10, WE ARE NUMBER 1. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 13th, 2009|10:15 pm] |
Finally it hit me that I've got no time left. To improve, to muster, to practice, to apply. Principal talk really brought my spirits down and made me snap out from my fantasy land. Correction: Im living in Denial for the past year. Tragic. But principal's right in every way. She made me venture down that black hole I've been ignoring for a long long time. and after the whole 2 hours, I didnt realize that I entered Council Cheering Room with a black face. I think no one dared to talk to me. Was it THAT bad? And of course, I couldnt help crying straightafter. IT SUCKS. DEAR GOD, WHY DIDNT IT OCCUR TO ME THAT I'VE WASTED 11 DAMN MONTHS OF MY LIFE. Tragic. No time for regrettion. I've got to start thinking, planning and executing plans for a bright future. grandparents counting on me. Parents counting on me. Im counting on me.
EH WAIT.
Lets HTHT. (Heart-to-heart-talk) once Leadership Training Camp (LTC) is over.
Till the boring weekend ahead.
CIAO. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 12th, 2009|03:40 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | im somebody. | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  giddy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | SHINee-Ring Ding Dong | ] |
YES. You know what i've learn this week? There's a place and time for everything. For all the joy and sadness in this world. Its how we learn to cope and try to deal with it. Lots of internal thoughts this week and it all sums up to one thing: I have not been a responsible person. The first thing is Council. yeah, I have to admit and agree to the murmurings that I've been one hell of a damn slacker. And to complain and fuss about the time wasted? What good will it do to me? And why do I keep letting myself down when i know i can meet people's expectations. I know Im someone who can do the job, just that I am not willing to push myself further, beyond boundaries, beyond expectations. Yes i can make it happen, and be somebody. Now, where's that spotlight. Okay que music. I've got to step it up and be the MAN. or MEN. stop giving your work to others to make them do it. stop expecting people to know what you are trying to say just by doing nothing. Okay, its time to play with the clock and count the tics and the tocs. Im a councillor. Im a good councillor. Im a bad-ass councillor. Now that feels more like it.
So here we stand,
Side by Side,
Waiting.
OP.OP.OP.OP. OP IS OVER!!! YEAYYYYYY. And im done with I & R! hiphiphooray :D. No more spending time at school, in the middle of the night or in the toilet, memorising scripts. Okay thats not true. Anyways, NO MORE watching people hanky panky-ing. No more sarcasm by Hadi Lee about my pronounciation or how dumb i may be. NO MORE OF THAT. Oh crap. He just "sounded the horn" after OP. shall share more of it later. Anyways, I thought my group did brilliantly well for our presentation. Except Lukman, who kept saying U,U,U,U,UNIFEM. kept stumbling and kept looking at his que cards. Okay B for you, A for all of us. I think he screwed up his part really well. Anyways, I think I did decently for the presentation part but I think I went overboard during Q&A. Well, I spoke for 5 long minutes. and i kept saying organisations that support child prostitution. Key word: SUPPORT. here's when Jai and Heng Liang started to shake their head. Moment of silence. I didnt even notice my mistake till afterwards. But the teacher stopped me from babbling further and said it was PERFECT. Thumbs up. did you mean it sarcastically? Okay, i really dont know. Lets hope al the babbling was worthwhile huh. and moreso, Adeeb, was FUN-TES-TI-FUNNY. During the google earth part, it sort of lag and Adeeb said " Sorry ah, its quite hard to turn the EARTH." (Here's the part where the animation for the Google Earth was suppose to come in) And everyone started laughing. even the invigilators. they thought it was brilliant. Both Adeeb and google earth. I guess that saved us all from getting a C. hopefully.
AFTER OP.
18 of us headed for lunch/dinner at DOWNTOWN BURGERKING. Its the first time 09S113 actually went on a class outing. And i thought it was great. We talked, laughed and brought in outside food like curry and rice (Thank Theresa) and KFC food. The girls and guys even manage to ask each other's perspectives on relationship. Like the guys in my class prefer poor and pretty girls rather than rich but ugly girls. And they would rather marry someone they love but that person doesnt love them. Now thats the general answer for guys by the way. We girls answered: "Oh, we'll marry the guy who loves us but we dont necessarily need to love them at first". Opposites attract, much? And we continued our conversation further at the breakwaters at the park. Well, only half of us went; Adeeb, Denise, Andrea, Theresa, Wanling, Shafiq and Ying Ying. plus me! :). CAMWHORED. CAMWHORED. I had fun. totally.
Whats seriously after OP? I have no idea. well, there's like council and leadership camp this weekend. and by the way, I took the flu injection today since Im going to the US in two weeks time. Did you know that you can only take H1N1 jab if you're above 18 years old because they dont no the side effects that much yet? COOL. So singapore is trying to save the youngsters rather than the adults. nice. and im feeling igddy already. And my left arm is numb. and my this. and my that.
AHH.
k, bye.
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 8th, 2009|11:12 pm] |
You're everything i want,
but nothing i need,
i tried to believe
but i just couldnt see,
cos you were my light in the morning,
but you tear up my eyes in the night
how will i know
who will you be
to me
Woke up at 2:45AM just now after just 3 hours of sleep to send my mum off to Atlanta for her business course. My mum keep waving goodbye after she went pass the customs. My brother and I thought it was funny that my mum kept waving back again and again, but thinking through it now, how i wish i could replay that moment once again. I know its only been like a day that she's gone, but i miss her already. On our usual sundays, she will nag at all three of us for waking up late and watching Okto without bathing or brushing our teeth first. She would go to the market after Subuh and expect us to prepare breakfast, wash the toilet and bathe already went she returns. But today was different. I got up at noon, and watched Taking the stage marathon on MTV. Dad was busy reading the newspapers, Sis with the PSP and my brother Youtubing. To others, it seemed like a normal sunday morning, but to me, things were moving too slow. I got up, cleaned the beds and prepared cereal for my siblings. The morning felt beautiful but something was missing. My mum's nagging. its weird to say that I miss her right now, more than anything in this world. Two weeks without her constant nagging, her food, our favourite dishes in the weekends like spaghetti and steam fish. Its just me, sis, bro and my dad. I think right now she's flying to Atlanta after transiting at Tokyo, Narita. I know she misses us too. In the comforts of her business class seat, I know she's dreaming soundly of us.
Ibu, come home soon.
Tears are clouding my eyes right now.
Good night.
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 5th, 2009|11:06 pm] |
Today was beautiful.
Ever since OP kick start into full swing mode, I've been getting closer and closer to my classmates and spend an incredible lot of time in school together. We would gather at F4-3 and turn on our laptops and do our slides, and in between the busy hours, we would have a small chat and the guys will play mousehunt. Though its irritating to see your group mate straying away from OP, it keeps them awake. seriously, Adeeb and Hadi are like Mousehunt addicts. and if Rahman or Reggie ever fall into this vicious cycle, I swear i'll just burst into fits. Its soo stupidlah. Hunt for a mouse. hahah, Ronza lah Bonza lah. This is all Linus's fault. He got Hadi into the addiction of mouse hunting and then all the guys in council. wait accept weechong, sagarvation world domination and let me see, HMM. YEAH. and Hadi can even say girls should just stay in the kitchen. BOYS. And we've been having lunch together. Almost everyday, and we bonded through the small talks. I think the person that i really bonded with is Denise. All of us have been willing to try and make things alright in our class since all of us are separating next year. Some are holding on to their 4H2, while most of us are either dropping Biology or Econs. Its really sad but the idea of us separating havent really sink into my head. Its going to be a tough year next year, and I hope that we all can make it through. :)
Adeeb, Evelynn, Shafiq, Andrea, Theresa, Denise and I ate lunch at KFC at Ehub and we spend the whole 3hours gossiping about people, mostly our other classmates ( more specifically our hanky panky, JACK RABBITS). I laughed till i cried. REALLY REALLY FUNNY. Especially the part where we were talking about YingYing's idea of having to "feel" before doing it and not to plan 9 months ahead. since we all discussed about the importance of the date of wanting to give birth since Denise mentioned that January babies are usually smart. And we spend most of the time discussing what Jack could do to Rabbit and why Jack Rabbit seriously make a good couple. I mean, do you want two people hanky panky, touching each other while you do your OP in class? Even i get turn on. haha, no joking. yeah, and it sucks to having to "accomodate" to their needs and wants. Weird, they even go toilet together but of course not go INTO the same toilet. Maybe the wheelchair toilet was occupied. and we laughed and laughed and laughed. All of us enjoyed the company. We should have done this before, to be closer to each other. Its sad that we are all separating next year. But this will definitely be good memories of 09S113. But our conversation had to end because Adeeb suddenly realize that it was 3:30pm and we both havent pray. so we ran for the bus and made it on time to school to pray. I honestly think Adeeb is my praying partner. for so many reasons since he's always the one reminding me or asking me to go and pray, vice versa. I wont have any next year :(. My gossip gang. so I met shar during prayers and after that ADEEB LEFT ME!! And i had council after that.
Council has been amazing. aside the shit work and all, i think the company has just been incredibly amazing. Tan Mai had cheer meetig with a few of us and he did some stupid cheer that goes like this:M -E-R-I-D-I-AN, dum dum dum dum dum. He seriously said dum dum dum dum dum , trying to immitate the drum, and honestly with his accent, IT WAS DAMN HILARIOUS. I couldnt help banging my fist on the table. Sofi was rolling back and forth. Hannah, you should have been there. It was FUNNY. never join cheer comm! EVEE
New word on Hanks and Panks. This is it.
Ask me once,
and I'll come running.
Cos I'll be right here.
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 4th, 2009|11:49 pm] |
We all have our moment of beauty,
Im waiting for mine.
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 4th, 2009|09:44 pm] |
Im not thinking of anything. Wait i am. Just this wondering thought. VEGAS AND ANGELES AT THE SAME TIME. Where can i put LAS? haha, oh well, im heading for both places. YEAYYYY. and then the wondering thought fades. three more weeks to the end of Jc 1 year, and boy oh boy, its been pretty fast. I can still remember prom in Secondary school and of course, the most havoc class chalet ive been to last year. and no doubt, this year's going to be even more fun. Please people, dont buy beer, STC wont be in singapore. HAHA :D. I wonder whats going to happen for this year's chalet. I honestly cant wait for the holidays to begin. but the looks of it, It already has. So hop on and lets go for a ride.
XOXO.
And ive been feeling really good this pass few days. I dont know why, but I feel much better as the days go by. Whoever that gave me the antidote, whether its from Gossip Girl or a guy or maybe Mardhiah and her pokeball or i dont know what, it's really really effective. So thanks. you know what, I think its my new haircut. seriously. NOISE (Australian accent)
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 2nd, 2009|10:40 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | im growing up. | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  exhausted | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Beyonce-Broken Hearted Girl | ] |
I think its worth to just leave things alone and not bother. I mean, we are just humans doing humane things and feeling humanly towards people. others and most importantly themselves. so how does one puts a stop in a complicated situation when it involves the feelinsg of others. I think Ive changed. I no longer see the need to chitchat and spend much time thinking about life. I mean leave it as it is and live a day to day life. thats what I always did in secondary school. though there were times of fooling around and bitching here and there, we secondary school kids had time to do so. I guess in my situation now, I dont have the heart to do it any longer. Im sorry if this post hurts anyone directly or indirectly. I guess the main point is that i go back to the roots of friendship. Keep it nice, simple and fun. Just easy going.
Right Shazni, Cheryl, Huibin, Meera, Haoshan, Jolene, Cat, Si en?
I have expectations to meet and I know by doing everything of the above, I can focus. Sacrifices are common obstacles in life. Im facing it everyday.
Sudeenly council feels like home, although there's bullshit work. |
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overratedlust's journal
uncomfortable
lonely
energetic
lazy